Thursday, July 31, 2014

Scared. Insecure. Unsafe.

I scared you hanging out with them. Not because I want to control you. I'm scared you might did something that will make my heart broken.I feel insecure you gonna join them do something which I hate the most. But who cares right, my dear? Yeahh everyone is growing up. Yeahh. No one can control a teenage boy in process of being a REAL man. But my dear, I don't want you growing up with tiny little disease which will make you suffer one day. Tiny sickness that will growing up becoming into serious illness. I won't let that happen. I know you won't do that. I trust you. But I'm just scared.

But what am I supposed to do. They're your friends and Im just a little girl in a little little world kan? Bros before hoes. That what they used to say. I hate one of them tbh. The one that broke my heart before. The one that now becoming one of your bestfriend and I swear I hate him till now. I hate knowing you're hanging around with them because I will suddenly crying without any reason. Again, I'm just scared. I scared he will influenced you doing bad thing. I scared he telling a bad thing about me. I scared and I swear I just fcuking hate him.

Critisized this post as you wish. I just want to burst my feeling because I'm enough talking to the wall.

C is for Confusing

Assalamualaikum and hai.

Yup. Here I am. Sitting. Typing. Boring. Or apa budak sekarang panggil.. PISHHAANG. Kahkahkah.

But of course lah sebab i need somewhere I can't express my mixed up feeling. Why I choose blog?
1. No ONE read my blog. Even it is not private. Kah
2. I don't have a friend.

I don't know. I always have this kind of feeling which make me think that I was annoying, Im such a boring person, lame, not so cool yet not so hot. And then, I ended up treating him worstly because I thought he didn't have any feeling for me based on my negative thinking. But then, I will terribly miss him, need him, want-to-text-him-all-day feeling but my ego has been built up so high so I ended up by doing nothing. I wait for him to text me first and felt really happy when I've got it but then I ruined it again because I don't know how to keep the conversation going. I don't know. I can't even understand myself. I love him very much but I.. I don't know. I hate my own negative thinking.

Perhaps because I have split personalities. Perhaps.