Hai.
Im 27 years old now.
Job? Sales Executive P***on.
Degree? Tak habis.
Kahwin? Yes, now ada daughter dah.
Still depressed and want to kill myself? Yes. Unsuprisingly psych diagnosed me with BPD.
Attempted suicide? Yes, few times.
I wonder what the old me masa mula-mula tulis blog ni will think. Will she be ashamed of me? I don't know. All I know when I read back all the blog post, mannn I've been depressed and suicidal for a veryyyy veryyyy long time.
Tbh, entahlah. I don't want to live but I don't want to die yet. Ada daughter kan? But siapa cakap ada little family you will be cured from BPD?
I know nobody will read this blog anymore. Gone the memory of highschool when we read each others blog. It makes me sad, but I prefer this way tbh. Nobody should read a depressive blog like mine.
ahhhhh... i really need alcohol. Been sober and drug-free since 2017. suprise? you shouldn't. i'm the most horrible, suicidal whore. But I tried to be better. Alif helps me a lot, and for that I owed him forever.
Right now, I'm feeling stuck and depress. Too many responsibility than what I could handle. But hey, I still tried to get up everyday to fight for us. In this economy, being depress will not pay your bills. I have a princess to spoil lavishly.
Idk why I decided to post all of these. But.. entahlah..
To Alif, thank you for being the best husband ever. Thank you for loving me the way I am. I love you so much.
To Maya, my little princess. Mama loves you so much. Sorry we are in a difficult situation again, mama will try to change our lives, as much as I can. I love you, you are beautiful, smart, kind hearted girl, please don't ever forget that and please don't lose yourself as I did.
To my Baes, I love you guys. I miss you and I'm so sorry bila I distanced myself until today. You guys deserve a better friend than me. I'm a mess.
To Judin, thanks for all of your kind words and advice back when I was in Ukm. I miss you but I prefer this way. You don't need to talk to me anymore, you pun deserve better friends. I'm happy that you're happy right now.
To everyone else, thanks and sorry for not trying to contact you guys. I don't want to be a thorn in your lives. I prefer to be silent and watch you guys from the sideline. Remember when I was a hot and trending topic on twitter pasal derma? Thanks for helping me and my little family. I was embarassed, hell I just want to die when that happened, malu bodoh, but I appreciated it a lot. It warms my heart that some of you still think about me. I'm sorry sebab banyak susahkan you guys. Haihh...
Ok lah. Its 3.22am rn.
goodbye.