Thursday, December 24, 2015

Muslimah People vs Orang Biasa

Assalamualaikum,

First of all, what I might say ni maybe akan buat sesetengah orang terasa. Tapi bear in mind, ini hanyalah pandangan dan pemerhatian saya. Maybe some of you boleh improvekan lagi diri sendiri lepas baca ni.

1. MUSLIMAH PEOPLE HAVE THEIR OWN USRAH GROUP WHILE ORANG BIASA HAVE GANG

   Mereka yang muslimah ni biasanya akan ada satu group yang dipanggil usrah. And tak dinafikan jugak ukhuwah diorang sesama ahli group sangatlah rapat. Sharing everything dari masalah agama sampailah masalah diri sendiri. Bagi orang biasa pulak, diorang tend to have a group of people yang diorang anggap macam geng, member kamceng. But mostly diorang just share pasal lelaki, relationship, fashion, artis. Ada jugak yang cerita pasal agama but not too much macam usrah. Jadinya disini, sebagai contoh, Linda (bukan nama sebenar), berkawan dengan mereka yang huhahuha bersuka ria berjimba and kawan dia tu lah geng dia kalau nak entertainment. Then suatu hari, dia dapat hidayah untuk berubah. 

   Tapi, to leave a gang is easy but to join a usrah is not that easy. Macam yang aku cakap tadi, usrah people sangat lah rapat ukhuwah diorang tu sampaikan everything semua buat sama-sama. And apa yang aku nampak, (sekali lagi ditegaskan ini hanya pandangan saya), orang biasa macam Linda macam tak ada chance untuk join apa yang muslimah people buat dalam usrah. Think about it, nak pergi ceramah Fatimah Syarha, tapi satu bas full with muslimah people, niqabis, alim alimah semua. While people like Linda, cuma mampu duduk tepi tingkap fikir bestnya diorang dapat join. So bila dia nak berubah? Yes, kita memang kena cepat grab a chance, tapi duhai muslimah sekalian, why not ajak diorang sekali?

2. MUSLIMAH PEOPLE COMPETE WITH OTHER FOR AFTERLIFE BUT ORANG BIASA THINK AFTERLIFE LIKE WHATT?

   Hidup memang sekali. Dalam hidup ni lah kita nak kejar semua benda. Tak lupa jugak untuk kejar kehidupan lepas akhirat. So mereka yang muslimah ni akan berlumba lumba bab nak buat kebaikan sebab nak kerja syurga yang satu tu. Tapi duhai muslimah, syurga yang satu tu bukan untukmu seorang. Kami? (Sekali lagi diTEGASkan ini hanyalah pandangan peribadi) Yes some of orang biasa jarang terfikir pasal masa depan or lebih spesifik masa selepas mati. And some of them malas nak fikir sebab dia tahu dia banyak dosa and end up masuk neraka. 

  Tapi duhai muslimah, tipulah kalau dalam hati diorang tak ada rasa untuk kejar syurga. Kalian tergopoh gapah untuk solat bila azan mula berkumandang, cepat cepat bangun tahajud untuk kejar Allah, tapi rakan korang tidur dengan lena tak fikir apa pun macam yang ada dalam fikiran korang. Kalau korang mampu intai rakan korang punya hati, banyak sebenarnya yang diorang fikir. Lebih lebih lagi untuk jadi macam korang. Tapi diorang malu. Tak ada yang nak bimbing. Nak berubah masih tertatih tatih.

3. MUSLIMAH PEOPLE IS IN FULL SET ATTIRE WHILE ORANG BIASA JUST WRAP WHAT THEY COULD

   Mana mana kita pergi, kita mesti akan nampak a group of women, all black attire, pakai niqab and everything. Sumpah guwa punya life goal dho, tak tipu. Bukan sebab warna hitam tu favorite, tapi sebab apa yang diorang pakai buatkan diorang tu mcm dilindungi, cantik and mysterious. Manakala, orang biasa some of them balut je dah lah ok le tu dari tak pakai apapa and with one look semua tahu dia tu hipstur, peha kecik, bra dia kaler pink (shawl pendek), uishh that butt dabommm, and macam macam lagi. Fashion is something yang remaja sekarang kejar. No fashion, no likes on instagram, sad life. Betapa sadnya lah kan life bebudak zaman sekarang (aku pun sama je). 

   Aku pernah dengar orang kata, 'cantiknya diorang pakai full tutup semua, aku nak jugak ah pakai tapi nak beli kat mana weh kalau aku pakai baju fit ni dengan skinny jeans ni masa beli mesti orang pandang pelik. nak suruh diorang (muslimah) belikan lah tapi diorang pun sama'. Huhu ok ni sedih. SEKALI LAGI DITEGASKAN INI HANYALAH PANDANGAN SAYA TERHADAP "SOME" OF THE PEOPLE. Diorang yang muslimah ni, segolongan keciiik dari diorang pandang orang biasa sebelah mata. Jeling. Maybe rasa meluat kut dengan gaya kitorang. Huhuhu sedih. Ye kami tahu awak ahli syurga, jangan risau ah sis chill ah. Tak hilang pun title tu, bencikan keburukan kan memang benda baik. Tapi bencikan kitorang yang buat keburukan? RASAnya sis macam dah salah konsep je. Why not bermanis muka, ajak kitorg buat benda baik. Kan best?



So far tiga ni jelah yang selalu aku perhatikan. Bukan nak kutuk or caci ke maki ke, NO. Cuma nak sampaikan perkara yang aku rasa both of us (muslimah dan orang biasa) kena tahu.Whatever it is, kita semua human kan? Kau bukan malaikat and aku bukan syaitan. Sama samalah membantu. Serius aku cakap ni, bantulah kami, tariklah kami biar sama sama kita pergi syurga Allah. Boleh tak?   

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The Dexterity

Assalamualaikum,

Harini just nak cakap, I have a new online shop which is The Dexterity yeayyy. But dia cuma akan beroperasi 2016 nanti hahaha. SO... what kind of things i will sell?

Tadaaaa..............

 


Yezzaa lebih kurang macam ni lah. And all the painting is just for RM5 per piece. Exclude frame dgn postage lah tapi. Hahahaha SO PLEASE SUPPORT ME, because actually kenapa aku nak start online business ni sebab nak bayar yuran. i dont have enough money left untuk hidup kat u and i am big enough untuk tk lagi mintak duit kat parent. so please help me with this #roadtopayunifee . thank u so much and love you gais.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Keep calm and change

Assalamualaikum and hi.

Hello everyone. Yeah things get so much better now. I dont really hate my course which is Bomedical Science. The fact is, Im afraid of losing arts in my life. But now, I can create science with arts. It was so much FUN. I can draw anatomy of human body much better than my coursemate can do, and thats the better way of learning for me because I tend to remember everything that I draw, Alhamdulillah.

Im trying to live a positive life right now, and in order to that I have to sacrifies anything that will give bad influence for me. Dont get me wrong, I still enjoy watching movies at the cinema, shopping and do some other thing, but I try to avoid everything that could harm me *if u know what i mean*.

I dont know. I feel so great right now. Yup final just around the corner but I dont feel too much pressure like my friends. Im not afraid of getting bad pointer because all I really want right now to understand everything that I learnt with all my heart. I dont want to study because of the exam. I want to study because of the knowledge itself. Theres so much more to explore about human body and Im getting curious day by day. Haha. I dont care about u final exam, buwek.

4 months of being here, in ukm kl, really taught me a lot. You get to know anyone and some of them might help you and some of them might harm you too. By harm I mean they could bring you to the world paradise such as club, weed and many other place too. Its your choice to choose your friend wisely. Its okay if you failed, but never forget to get up again.

Alhamdullilah Ive got a really nice roommate, shes tall, crazy, and most of all, muslimah. And I like that. She never failed to remind me about solat, study and everything. She never comment anything that I wear (even if it was too tight huhu), and accept me for who I am. She never get angry scolding me if I did something wrong, because the way she making me realized everything is with her act. Every morning before going to class she will wear a very very huge tudung and I was like WOAHHHHH TOO BIG TOO BIG, but I just said that in my heart. And all her top and shirt is too big and too muslimah, I wonder how she can wear that everyday. So one day I tried to wear one of her tudung while shes at the fakulti, and I looked into the mirror and I was like, OMG IS THAT MEEE?? It wassssssssssssss, beautiful. Dont get me wrong Im not trying to praising myself, but that wass how I felt. I felt so secure, and I felt that I was being protected. And I love it.

I know I have done many bad things during my past, but its never too late too change it right? I believe one day everyone would have a thought in their mind about their life. How long they are gonna live that way? How to become a better muslim and everything. I have that in my mind too. But one thing for sure, its never too late. Dont change too drastically if you have the tendency of doing the wrong things again. Just one thing at a time. Perhaps you can think one of the good things you want to do and try it for about 1 month. And the next month, you could try something else. I know I am not the better person to give advice like this to other people, but I know, there are people out there who have the same experienced like me, they want to change but they are too afraid and theres no one willing to help them. They felt so lost yet they they couldnt find the way out. Im with you guys.

Just so you know, theres nothing impossible in this world. Its all about yourself. Think.

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Hi

Its been a long time right?

Honestly, Im not doing good. I dont hv anyone to talk to, so I think I just let it out here.

So I am now officially a University Kebangsaan Malaysia's student in BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE. WOHOOOOOO.

Well, not so wohoo. I dont know. I cant even describe my feeling by staying here. I dont know, it just felt so wrong. If only I could go back to past to change everything, I would choose the offer from University Malaya in Architecture. I know, I should be grateful dapat masuk sini, lepas interview and everything. But it doesnt felt right. See, typing ni je dah nak nangis. I fucked up everything here. Not scoring all the subject dalam quiz and everything and yet final is around 3 weeks.

Orang cakap, sebab tak ikhlas lah ilmu susah masuk. I tried to be sincere in everything. But somehow, its getting worst. I didnt enjoy what I do, tak macam masa matrik even stress menggunung mana I still hv fun. But not here. Ok now I am crying for real. Bukan tak suka course ni, I love to learn new things, but at the same time, I want to do what I really love to learn. Dreaming of becoming biomedical scientist never exist in my life list. And now, I just studying for my parent. Not for myself. And I feel weird. And I hate it.

I want to change my course, but bila fikir parent balik, I really dont know what to do. ANd Im having problem with my ptptn which mean I will only get my loan next year. How am I gonna pay for this semester fee? To ask money from my parent is something I would never do. I didnt hv enough money to eat. I mean yes my baby sent some money to me, tapi dah habis. And habis bukan untuk makanan, tapi untuk settlekan benda lain. I barely eating rice right now. Semalam baru dapat makan nasi lemak after a week without rice.

You know, if someone said to me they are broke, I just smile. You are not really broke if you havent eat maggi straight in a month. You are not really broke if your maggi goreng fell on the floor and you still kutip and eat it. You are not really broke if all the energy you get is from a packet of milo. You are not really broke if you havent split your maggi into half just to cook it for the next day (same goes to milo packet). You are not really broke if you havent run away from your friends just because you dont want them to invite you for lunch. And you are not really broke if you havent eat anything that already expired because sayang nak buang and despite of their taste and smell, you just eat it quietly.

Im too fucked up right? And I hv done a very bad thing here just to release my stress.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I shouldnt hv live.

Friday, August 7, 2015

if only you knew the reason I did this

if only you care enough to read this

if only you didn't tell your friends about how whore I am when they kept saying about cheap girl
 which I know, they meant for me.

if only you knew I lied when I said I didn't trust any guy even if it's my own family

if only you knew the reason I make you hate me so bad

if only you knew all about it, you might regret it later.

i keep the reason to myself and only myself so one day you won't feel a thing when I really walks away.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Please

Living with a confusing mind, confusing thought, is very distracting. 
Why you can't explain to me what's going on actually. Does it really kills you to tell the truth? I mean, you can't avoid this problem forever. Someday you will talk about it wether you like it or not. You know, our love story is so confusing and it's much more complicated than solving mathematics questions. I waited for you, I'm giving you so much time for you be ready to talk to me but yet nothing happens. Seriously dude, we're hanging out together last time like there's nothing happened between us and that keeps me feeling very uncomfortable about it. Yes, I miss you and I still love you  but babe, we shouldn't act like this. We, should really having a heart to heart session, no movies, no sweet moment involve, just a simple discussion about us. Can you do it? Because I had tried so many times to discuss about this but you just kept changing the topic. So I'm begging you, please, please explain to me about everything, not just keep running from it.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Thank You and Sorry

For never get tired at me when I'm mad, thank you.
For always makes me laugh when I'm sad, thank you.
For always treat me watched movie in cinema, thank you.
For always keep me warm whenever I'm cold, thank you.
For always taking care of my health, thank you.
For always being there listening to my crying, thank you.
For never complained anything about my look, thank you.
For always saying that I'm the most beautiful, thank you.
For always worried if I didn't eat anything, thank you.
For always let me win in our argument, thank you.

For always acting childish to me, but I just ignored you, I'm sorry.
For always looking to my eyes, but I looked away, I'm sorry.
For always looking good for me, but I didn't praised you, I'm sorry.
For always blaming yourself in everything, but it's me who did wrong, I'm sorry.
For always putting me first in everything, but I didn't realized it, I'm sorry.
For always trying to impress me, but I just make fun of it, I'm sorry.
For always trying to be a good guy because I asked you too, but I didn't appreciated it, I'm sorry.
For always sharing everything to me, but I can't help anything, I'm sorry.
For always being yourself when you with your friend, but I didn't understand it and hate it, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if all this time I was being too clingy, it's because I can't go a day without you.
I'm sorry if all this time I was being too jealous, it's because I'm afraid you fall for someone else.
I'm sorry if all this time I was too controlling, it's because I care.
I'm sorry if all this time I was everywhere, because I was too worried about you.
I'm sorry if all this time I was hurting you heart, believe it I never meant to do it to someone that I love.

No, I'm not copied any of these from tumblr, or twitter etc. This came from my heart.
I hope you're doing fine. I still confused about everything but don't worry, when that time come I'm sure I will understand all of these. It's hard for me to breath for this whole week you know, but that's okay too. I'm getting used to it now so you don't have to be worried. If you find someone who is better than me, that's good. Because if she is better than me, she will take care of you with all her love. Just live your life like you always wanted to be in. Make a lot of memories with your friend as you're still young. Don't forget others that help you to be what you are right now. There's a long journey ahead you, you just gotta get through it with what you have, beautiful families and craziest friend, that's what matter most. Don't forget your Creator too. He knows what best for you, me and us.

Take care my dear infinity.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

.




I miss you. I'm sorry. I really miss you.
I love you. Just, come back.



Friday, January 30, 2015

Tell Me

“Tell me about how sadness crawled its way into the vacancy only I could fill up when I was gone, if there was any. Tell me how you woke up crying the next morning, with your hands clutched over your heart just to keep the pieces from falling onto the floor. Tell me you have no strength left to mop the blood away. Tell me how you cry yourself to sleep every night with winston in your hand and your phone in the other, waiting for me to pick up the phone. Tell me. Tell me you regret this. Tell me it wasn’t my fault. Tell me everytime you looked everywhere, even in a sea of unfamiliar faces, you see me. Tell me you miss me. Would it kill you to try? Would it kill you to admit that my absence was killing you? Baby, you never learn. You have to speak your mind out. Cutting your chest open doesn’t mean death; sometimes it means taking a good look at your heart and making sure it’s still beating. To make sure it’s still pulsing the way it was when I was still around to call yours. You and I were bodies struck by lightning and meteorites, and we are all holes and cracks and broken cement waiting to be fixed. Tell me you crave the day I come back. Tell me you loved me, tell me you love me and you never stopped loving me. Not even one second. Tell me you’re sorry. And I’ll tell you I’m sorry too. I’ve been missing you.” —  tell me what I’ve been dying to hear

Thursday, January 29, 2015

ice

Sedih

Tapi aku percaya
lama-lama akan jadi kebas
bebas tanpa rasa
manusia yang berwajah beku
hati sekeras konkrit
tiada kiri tiada kanan mahupun belakang
untuk ditoleh.

Waktu itu
aku minta maaf
aku bukan yang dulu.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

idk

i'm just too sad.

i need..
i didn't qualified for anything.

Aliyah is a shit.
Horseshit.

Monday, January 12, 2015

"Superheroes"

All her life she has seen
All the meaner side of me
They took away the prophet's dream for a profit on the street

Now she’s stronger than you know
A heart of steel starts to grow

All his life he's been told
He’ll be nothing when he’s old
All the kicks and all the blows
He won't ever let it show

'Cause he's stronger than you know
A heart of steel starts to grow

When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been struggling to make things right
That’s how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been working every day and night
That’s how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

All the hurt, all the lies
All the tears that they cry
When the moment is just right
You see fire in their eyes

'Cause he’s stronger than you know
A heart of steel starts to grow

When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been struggling to make things right
That’s how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been working every day and night
That’s how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

She's got lions in her heart
A fire in her soul
He's a got a beast in his belly
That's so hard to control
'Cause they've taken too much hits
Taking blow by blow
Now light a match, stand back, watch them explode

She's got lions in her heart
A fire in her soul
He's a got a beast in his belly
That's so hard to control
'Cause they've taken too much hits
Taking blow by blow
Now light a match, stand back, watch them explode

When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been struggling to make things right
That’s a how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been working every day and night
That’s a how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

Oh, yeah...

Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

Ooh, yeah
Whoa

Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been struggling to make things right
That’s how a superhero learns to fly 
 
 
 
 
 "and now, i am actually stuck in the moment where do i want to fall again or to let things gone by and just keep it by myself? but, i cant resist him."