2025. Another update.

Still working as a salesperson for a telco reseller. Been two years now. Life still has its ups and downs. I’ve stayed clean. No drugs, no slipping back. Only touched alcohol once or twice this year, just a glass or two. No more suicidal thoughts either. I guess having kids really does change everything.

I have a son now.
He’s so active, oh my god. I can’t even catch a breath most days. He’s everywhere, all the time. But I love it. Maya’s getting prettier, smarter, and way more expressive. Watching her grow into herself is the most beautiful thing. I love them both more than I know how to say.

I’ve built myself a little escape. A mini library at home. Collected more than 80 books now. It’s my safe space, my world away from the world.

Money’s still tight. Always is. But I manage. I’ve accepted this role. The breadwinner. That title used to hurt, now it’s just part of me.

My mind still spirals sometimes. Randomly. Quietly. But the sound of my kids’ voices, it brings me back. It grounds me. That’s something I never had before.

I still have the bad habit of reaching out to people I miss. I’ve made peace with it. I miss them, or maybe just the memories. The feeling of being remembered.

It’s 2:38am. Just finished cleaning the house. I’m reading Adept by Robert Finn.
And right now I’m listening to I’m Just A Ghost on SoundCloud.
First time I’ve opened this site in 11 years. Feels weird. Time really flew.

Am I still depressed?
Sometimes, yeah. It hits different now. Not like when I was 20. Now it’s quieter, more about how I don’t recognize myself some days. Flabby tummy. Double chin. Fatty ass. Haha. But somehow, Alif still loves me. Loves me. And I’m learning to love me too, even in pieces.

2025. Another update.

Still working as a salesperson for a telco reseller. Been two years now. Life still has its ups and downs. I’ve stayed clean. No drugs, no slipping back. Only touched alcohol once or twice this year, just a glass or two. No more suicidal thoughts either. I guess having kids really does change everything.

I have a son now.
He’s so active, oh my god. I can’t even catch a breath most days. He’s everywhere, all the time. But I love it. Maya’s getting prettier, smarter, and way more expressive. Watching her grow into herself is the most beautiful thing. I love them both more than I know how to say.

I’ve built myself a little escape. A mini library at home. Collected more than 80 books now. It’s my safe space, my world away from the world.

Money’s still tight. Always is. But I manage. I’ve accepted this role. The breadwinner. That title used to hurt, now it’s just part of me.

My mind still spirals sometimes. Randomly. Quietly. But the sound of my kids’ voices, it brings me back. It grounds me. That’s something I never had before.

I still have the bad habit of reaching out to people I miss. I’ve made peace with it. I miss them, or maybe just the memories. The feeling of being remembered.

It’s 2:38am. Just finished cleaning the house. I’m reading Adept by Robert Finn.
And right now I’m listening to I’m Just A Ghost on SoundCloud.
First time I’ve opened this site in 11 years. Feels weird. Time really flew.

Am I still depressed?
Sometimes, yeah. It hits different now. Not like when I was 20. Now it’s quieter, more about how I don’t recognize myself some days. Flabby tummy. Double chin. Fatty ass. Haha. But somehow, Alif still loves me. Loves me. And I’m learning to love me too, even in pieces.